Reflections of this weekend

Well I allowed myself to get het up. Something I haven't done in a while. I was doing pretty well on the whole living peacefully thing and the diet. This week it all went to pot.

I allowed it to happen 3 times to be exact. Well if Im honest, I suspect the first time there was more at work than just me. My conversation with my friend was incredibly confusing in that he seemed to have an overview of our friendship that did not match any of my observations. In fact he seemed totally off on one over me apparently not enjoying being taught chess by him, acting like an arse and accusing me of always getting frustrated when I can honestly say this weekend is the first time I have ever felt frustrated. He's bi-polar and smokes weed, so I that was probably more behind his strange behaviour than anything.

But I also think he was pushing me away. Our mutual friends have split up and he's a mess. A big mess. When he met me his clothes had holes in and he smelt. I guess he doesn't feel like he deserves people to care about him so pushes them away. This friend talks a big talk about being able to "Read" people and understand them but he can't turn that inward and help himself. Normally when somebody presents themselves to me like this I fight for them. I figure that if it was me, I would want someone fighting for and believing in me but the penny has dropped now.

Only 1 person can do that. And thats yourself. You can try help people as much as possible but if they won't let you and want to push you away what can you do? I got frustrated and walked away. But thats what he wanted. I get that now. If he ever changes that mindset, I will of course be around. The ironic part of this is - I really did enjoy learning to play chess.

The next person snubbed me from something. And I was upset. But whats the point? There is no point wasting energy on wondering why and getting upset. Just let them get on with it. If my company isn't wanted then I will not give it. I would rather give my company to those who appreciate it.

The last person, really infuriated me but I have taken a course of action I don't normally condome. I have backed down and decided to just let her have her way. I think sometimes you really have to pick your battles and this is one of them.